we dont change, we adapt

I'm going to try this again, but this time from the comfort of my own home! I don't need the surroundings of a hospital room and all of its glory to express myself! That being said, life has turned a corner for me in a least one good way...hospital free for a year now :) HUGE DEAL in my world and I'm proud to say it!!! Another couple of positives...tobacco&alcohol free as well! A necessity that has significantly improved my struggle and freed me of further body damage. Control what you can and adjust to what you cannot...a smart man once told me. Turns out he may have been on to something there...

Have you ever felt like if you just tried one last time, maybe something different this time, that it would suddenly all be worth the many attempts before and change for the better? This seems to be the consistent road in my life lately. I have come to the conclusion that "change" is a much more complex word than it appears to be. Seems simple enough really, when something goes from one way to another its considered changed. People, however, are much more complicated than that. When life as we know it evolves into something completely new and foreign us humans either accept and adapt or deny and remain. Myself personally chose at a very young age to have an open mind and to look outside the box! I feel like I have allowed myself opportunity to expand and grow this way where as someone like, my father, remains scrunched up tightly in his little box of security and comfort shielding him eternally from the bright lights just outside of it. I struggle with this daily!! I cannot seem to understand why a person would shut themselves off to something so great just because their fear of "change." You're missing out Pops!! And those like him! As frustrating as it is for me, I too have to learn to accept and adapt to him and its proven to be a very difficult task that I face daily. That refusal to accept causes many arguments and conflict in my home that severely gets to me, much worse sometimes than others. I wish I knew of a positive and healthy way to deal with my feelings toward this so my stress level stays as low as possible! I have come to terms with the fact that things will always be this way, HE will always be this way, BUT how in the world do I continue to live with this constant battle without ripping my hair out???? To be clear, I love my dad with my whole heart, its the liking him part that I struggle with. Sad truth right there...honesty hurts, but honest is all I know how to be!