Alderwood.Manor.Who?

Buzz Lightyear can fly...and Woody thinks he can too with the help of Buzz. I think they are toys and in reality they will fail everytime, however in fantasy land where toys are life-like and can do anything pretty much is where your imagination kicks in and anything in possible. I only wish I could live in that world for just a moment...or two :) Where imagination brought things to life and made them real...I would wish away so many poisons in my everyday life that I can only dream of being so clensed. Its nice to dream once in a while...even if it is impossible compared to what's real.

I have chosen a couple of my boys for the roles in these two characters...reason being they remind me on the daily what its like to have dreams and goals and fantasize a little bit to keep my brain working properly. Jason and Elliott each play a significant role in my life and although Jason has been around longer, Ell has made his mark on my heart as well.

Shay's Boys. I have quite a few. And I love them all very much. I find it twenty times easier to befriend and remain friends with boys than females everytime. I dont find it necessary to participate in the drama world of women and gossip. I am not going to lie to you...I LOVE to watch it happen around me on TV, real life, the works and I think that is because its free entertainment and I love to compare it to situations in my world just for analytical purposes haha. Its fun. And if you can honestly sit there and tell me that you dont even do such a thing...you're lying and for what reason? Who cares. lol. Anywayssssss...like I said I love my friendships with my boys. They are laid back and comfortable and they protect me like nobodies business. That and most of them...are loyal as an ox. That part is THE most important part for me...loyalty is a LARGE word in my vocabulary and I believe in every part of it 100%!! You have my back and I have yours...no matter what!! They are some of my best friends and I wouldnt trade any of them for the world..not even when we fight like siblings at times :) Its all part of the bond!

Reality Update: After spending a couple weeks at Deaconess...again...I was discharged from there to what I was told was a "skilled nursing facility" aka a Nursing Home. Due to my age and simply the fact that I was about to be dumped off to be somebody elses problem, I was not told exactly what to expect on purpose. Unfortunately I was under the impression it was semi-the same sort of deal as NIACH (North Idaho Advanced Care Hospital) was and I was sadly mistaken. As the driver picked me up last Tuesday I had a feeling something wasnt right when the music in the van playing was some remix song to Jamie Fox's hit "Blame It" which was creatively changed up and the chorus line went from "blame it on the alcohol" to "blame it on the ganja." yes it was quite catchy..yet disturbing. And I think it was worse because the next song was also a remix of a modern rap song transformed into a ballad about mary j....haha yeah. Anway so we pull up to the place called Alderwood Manor and from the outside it doesnt look to bad or anything with the exception of it is located in one of the most notorious parts of town comparable to Hillyard up North. So if you decide to visit me (which I would LOVE) please do so when it is light outside if you can make that happen...I do keep my window blinds closed for a reason ;) So. I get into this place and let me just say before I was even transferred I was told I would have my own room and everything would transfer from my chart at the hospital to the nursing home no problem. Not a chance in hell will I ever believe them when they say that every again...I was placed in a small corner of a room with a bed that I barely was able to roll over in it was so small. Cot sized pretty much. There was a cat roaming around the halls of this joint and it was 8pm and pretty much closed down for sleep. Which is typical at a Nursing Home...if I was prepared for that!!! With that being said the Nurses helping me that night were amazing and the people here have been very understanding and wonderful to me. They were the ones getting a panic attacked 24 year old to handle on top of everyone else in this place ages 60+. I want to remind you that by this time I was 2 hours late for my antibiotic drip and absolutely zero pain medication. I was hurting. I was scared. I was angry. I was confused. So many things were running through my mind as I sat there in a wheelchair staring at the wall tyring to figure out where to go at that point. All I knew was the hospital just dumped me and ran...not their problem anymore. Which was a load of bullshit if you ask me. Now these places also dont run on immediate response either...they are far more laid back and things dont need to be done at such a rapid pace. So...getting any sort of pain meds to stop the constant knife stabbing me in my chest and back was going to be damn near impossible. My poor nurse was working so hard to make me comfortable and had to be the one to break it to me that they discontinued my iv pain meds from the hospital and all I had available was a couple pain pills every four hours. If you know me at all and how my body works...which they dont...unfortunately...that medication at that dose is not going to cut it. I was absolutely miserable. The little fragile lady next to me just a curtain away was a sweetheart with a german accent that made her even more precious. She watches her daily soap opera at 12 noon every day and thats her excitement!! Shoot to be that old...anyway I woke up that morning with the worst migraine possible, not surprising considering the amount of stress from the night before, and the room was spinning. Little Irene was going right with it. And let me tell you when you feel like that, the LAST thing you want is to be mangled and touched in any way, so the assessment they preformed on me that morning was brutal! Vomited straight stomach acid right after...no surprise. Later that day the staff had found me a private room and cleaned it all up for me to move into...bless their hearts. I have been in here every since and much happier. Although I was bed ridden until just last friday due to the excruciating pain that I was still going through without proper medicaion. The house doc, Dr. Soan, only visits this place once a week...Friday. I had to wait 3 days for any relief. Longest week of my life by far. Hated where I was...just wanted to be home and to suffer like that there rather than in a place I am severely uncomfortable in. However, my insurance wanted me here and so here is where I had to stay. As Friday FINALLY came...it seemed as if I waited weeks. I was crawling to the bathroom at this point and sleeping/crying all day long. Dr Soan was very compromising and understanding to my situation...he submitted me for a Sub Q pain pump which has been a miracle worker ever since. I am able to go the bathroom regularly and participate fully in occupational and physical therapy. Strengthening my muscles!! Because at this point the last thing I want to happen is to get released home cold turkey from everything and be dead to the world. I want do things and get out of the house and walk a ways at least. The staff have been more than helpful here and I have to give them credit where it is due because like I said before they had nothing to do with the transfer screw up and thought they were just helping me out by giving me a place to be. The wretched sounds and smells that radiate throughout a home like this are almost unbearable at times. And when you truly think about what dark places some of these elderly folks are in...it breaks your heart. They cant possibly bring themselves on a high level of happiness because half of them are starving for support and attention and nobody comes. Its heartwrenching. Even if I'd rather be home suffering there, I cant help but feel bad for the ones that are forced to be here without option. Ive decided recently that instead of pushing to go home tomorrow like the original plan was on home health care I am going to finish it out here and go next Friday. Smarter decision under mutual agreement between I, the social worker, and mom. Blessing in disguise is the fact that I recently have picked up Medicare as my primary and United falls to my secondary insurance. This way it pays for things due to my disability that other plans wouldnt even consider! And the case workers here are phenominal, we havent been able to figure out this insurance business due to the confusion and no time to do it. So them taking care of all of this for us has been awesome!!! They even got me a wheelchair of my own so I can have that while I recover and keep it forever...cuz lord knows I will need it again someday. This way however, we are set and dont have to scramble to find a way to get me out of the house without overdoing it. So as of right now I am one positive girl! Working on finding an Internest and/or a Pain Specialist to be able to follow me when I go through this situation again and wont have issues with transfer what so ever. I am content as far as healing goes and a week out from finishing the 6 weeks of antibiotics...FINALLY! I am really looking forward to heading to San Jose in a couple weeks after this with Mama and Pops for Bret's Nationals Tournament. We are making it a family vacation and I would hate to miss out. So pray for me to have everything taken care of by then as it is looking pretty good so far :)

R.I.P
Emelyn Stai
Kenneth Stai
Patricia Ann Kellogg
Kenneth Thiefault Sr.

Being here..in a place such as this..makes you remember the old times with the people that I adore so much that have passed on to heaven. The smells, the environment, the pain...it's all there and it's hard sometimes. Tears have broken I wont lie.......all I can do is pray that I will live as good of a life as these amazing people have done and that I will someday be remembered as somewhat of a fighter, an inspiration, give hope, and share love with those that mean the most :)