Safety Valves

What a weekend. I think it was definitely one of the most emotional weekends I've had in a long while. Lots of things happening and triggering tears in all different directions. A very wise person just recently reminded me that "tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it." I greatly appreciated that quote because I completely believe in it's meaning. I dont like to cry very much but I have learned that they are the healthiest way to allow yourself to release the feelings inside of you that are built up and just waiting to be let out. Lets just say I opened that safety valve this weekend and it stayed open for most of it...my sissy, Jenelle Christine Bushy, and her parents lost their doggie Lexi on Saturday night :( Lexi Lou was a beautiful golden retriever and she LOVED being loved. "Louey" was her nickname from her mama and she was a big sister to Miley, whom is 2 years younger than her and is going to miss Lex like crazy. Lots of love to Miley for a while is going to be the best medicine!! All I know is my sissy and her mom and dad are very strong individuals and loved their Lex and still adore Miley girl and will show her the amount of love she will need to get through this as well as sharing it with each other. I am here for them as well as I was also very close to Lex and will miss her deeply. God Bless you in Doggie Heaven Lexi Bell Bushy. RIP.

As for me...well things could be better but they also could be worse!! That's how I have to think of it to stay sane in these situations. The picc line inserted in to my right arm the last time I was hospitalized could have potentially been part of or THE reason for the infected valve in heart. Tricuspid Valve to be specific. So they removed that the other day and re-placed it into my left arm. All was good! Until...that line became clotted. I knew it was right away too. The pain from clotting is so extreme even with a large pain tolerance that I have built over time. Basically sitting here and typing doesnt put much strain on it but my arm is immobile at the very least. I cant wait until 2pm today when they plan on pulling the thing out of there!!! On the not so bright side of things I still need some sort of access to my veins...so the next step is an IJ catheter; or a central line as they call it. Its just like a picc line but inserted directly into my jugular vein in my neck. Yeah im just THRILLED as you can hear the sarcasm in my words. Ha. My body just does not like me very much I dont think. But I already knew that!! :) Just gotta push it and keep on truckin with all this crap or I will never get anywhere or anywhere near better than I am now.

The other stuff...is coming along very slowly. My white blood cell count is creepin its way back down and that tells me that the infection is starting to get under a decent amount of control. My sugars are still quite high and arent budging much so we are still working on getting the right amount of insulin injections so that I can function properly without the side affects of those causing my recovery process lots of speedbumps. Also the infection in my heart is slowly being treated with the IV antibiotic im still on; Vanco. I should be 0n this dose for about 6 weeks total and Ive been on it for a week now. No need for surgery on that as far as we know...soon as we can get my heart healthy again we will go ahead and do the PET scan on my lungs to diagnose the mass that was found there as well. Hoping for the best results there also...there are three different options of what it could be according to Dr E, the Pulminary specialist: A. part of the blood clot already located in my lung that broke off...B. a piece of the infection vegetation in my heart that broke away and traveled into my lung...and lastly C. a tumor. This test they will do is a contrast dye test that they inject into my veins and if indeed I do have a tumor and it is cancerous the contrast will light it up inside. Definitely dont want the light this time ;) so no lights in your prayers my friends...NO LIGHT :) I will not being undergoing this for a few more weeks at least as we are treating the heart condition first fully. I will keep everyone informed through here or on my facebook of course.

Other than all of that here I sit...bored as shit. I hate TV so I dont watch it. It gives me the worst headache anyway...lights also are dim and my fan is blowing at all times as I hate the light and cannot stand when my room is burning up and im sweating. Just sitting here...my body is so effed hormone-wise that I will sweat for no damn reason. Bite me!!! Ugh lol. And the cleaning lady is in my room at this moment cleaning AROUND me...just pushing shit aside and saying she deep cleaned and steralized my room. HA right. Oh well they are annoying to have in here in the first place....last night she came in a Jason and Sareya were here and she makes you so uncomfortable at all times. "Lift your feet so I can mop under you!" Like really? Get outta here...rudeness!! I may also have neighbor down the hall from me that may or may not think she is being attacked my imaginary evil things. "Get off of me!! Let me go!! Let me out of here!! I hate you!!" ALL DAY LONG the other day...even with my door shut I could hear it all plain as day!! It was like a moment straight out of a horror movie...I admit I was entertained however. Poor soul.

As of lately I want to thank everyone that has made it up to see me as well as the ones that are continuing to pray for me at home!! That means just as much to me and I hope you know that!! Mama, Pops, Brother, Princess, Sissy, Ashbaby, Pammy J, Rick&Tris, Lisa&Greg, Denise, Jason&Sareya, Gram&Gramps, Mama and Mike Greenwell && Alisha via her friend Ginny...I love you all!! ♥ You did not have to make the trip here and you did and for that I am forever grateful. The facebook posts and comments and the many many prayers out there going around for me are also greatly appreciated!! Keep it up Im not all better just yet!! Still need ya. Much love family and friends ♥