Tell.Me.About.It

Today was...eventful I guess you could say. Definitely found out some information about myself that I didnt know exisited and got some answers to unanswered questions not to mention the pain Im in currently. Shoot I want to rip out my insides and burn them to ashes most of the time these days...ever felt like your insides were on fire? Being beaten by a baseball bat or maybe a crowbar? Or how about stabbed with a really sharp knife over and over again? Thats about what I feel like and have felt like every single day for a week and a half now. Am I exaggerating? Some might say so...but if you know me at all...you know Im not in the least overkilling anything. My body has a mind of its own ALL the time and I never know what its thinking or when its going to go off the deep end for any amout of time. I just have to battle through it and suffer until I find a cure for that moment...and all the while knowing I will NEVER find the cure to heal me for good. That part sucks. I cant think about it too much...it makes me sad and depressed and we all know where that takes me. Id rather not go back there...I will say that due to my new medicine and new way of life I am handling this situation a heck of a lot better than I was handling them before. That part makes me happy :) I know something is working out for me at least...now for the shitty part...the medicine helping me with that depression is at the highest on the charts for reasoning behind my pain this time :( bummer. Effexor is the drug I am on to treat my moods and it also happens to be one of the leading factors in stomach problems such as inflamation and irritation also called ulcerations or lacerations. I have many down there I am told and there are pictures to prove it...yick!! They dont look so hot. Lol. I would rather not try to think too much about it though because it just stresses me out...like what next? Do I change meds? Is there a med that will work for me without causing this problem? Who the heck knows...I guess I will just need to wait and see. Something Im not so great at...patience. As I type my foot is shaking at the end of the bed because Im anxious. Thats not uncommon for me. Not these days anyway. Im anxious alot now...stress is a key factor to my anxiety as well. Its an awesome cycle really. Ha! Not to mention Grams and I were talking the other day and both figured we werent drinking enough water either...I used to drink at least 3 bottles of water every single day and I havent been doing that at all lately. There is no excuse for it!! I have been drinking it again like crazy since I have been back in here though...Idk why but I love ice water when Im in the hospital. Ive got the nurses on a schedule ahaha...they know better than to leave my pitcher empty ;) Went down for a scope today and got to see my faaaaav Shalina again...she was my sedation nurse as usual! The doctor was very sweet that was preforming the scope and very thorough. I trusted him. After the procedure I came back to my room to find a note from my cousin Christopher telling me how he was here and I missed him but he loved me and hopes I feel better soon :) what a sweet boy he is! My girls Ash and Kor came up and brought me some chicken nuggets, dad came up and visited for a good few hours and so did my Zacky!! Poor baby has 16 stitches in his face...damn he cant catch a break this year. I finished off my day with Mama and going for a walk around the floor :) Our routine at night time. I had a good day over all and am looking forward to tomorrow...finding out some more results and maybe feeling a bit better somehow? Idk. Mom and Grams might bring me some lunch tomorrow too...they are off work :) Im ready to get better already...ready for this pain in my stomach to subside...ready to feel good again. Again. We'll see though...the minute I push it is the very same minute I regret it. Patience Shay Patience!! With love...