Angels.Or.Hellians

I wont lie...I'm not the biggest fan of small children. Or large children. Or any children honestly...however there are a few that I can tolerate and another few that I love to death!! Im not sure what it is about kids that I dislike so much but I think I have a pretty good idea. Smelly, loud, obnoxious, screaming, disobeying, annoying lil brats. Lol. Sorry but its true. I want to backhand 95% of them...HARD. But enough about that I do love some children...such as my cousins Harley and Jordan. They can be lil shitheads too but I love them just the same and there are some great qualities about them. I cant not love them. My lil baby Mikey Grand in Florida...now that lil boy has my heart already and I havent even met him yet officially. Just on Skype. Hehe. But he sure is precious and he came out of Sheena making him that much more special...and that also makes him capable of growing up to being a friggen shit as his mother was in her early years as well. haha. I cant wait for that...Sheena will love her life at that stage!! hahaha. Then there is Gavynn. Hailies nephew. He is the cutest lil shit I have ever met in my life. I love every part of him and even when hes acting up I cant help but want to hug him. He pisses Hailie off to end at times and even so he is her everything. He is Tyler's everything and more. That little boy was the best thing that skank of a mother could have given him. I am so proud of Ty and the way he is handling raising his boy and he is a great father. And Hailie is a wondeful aunt. These two lil boys in the picture up there are twins...and they are adorable at that. Boston and Ryder. I adore them to the end of time. What beautiful children they are and I cant believe they are already walking!!! My amazing friend Brittney had them at just 19 and she is doing a fantastic job as a mother. She had to grow up very fast and her whole life changed...but she wouldnt trade them for the world. An excellent mommy to these boys and she will always be. I only hope to be as strong and couragous as her one day. Although I will never have kids of my own I can always get my fix with the fabulous ones around me. I will be a godmother one day and once that day comes I will love that child with everything inside of me. Jason will have this child and I will be the best godmother there ever was to that baby....

Now for my story. I wont have kids. I dont want them. Im not sure I can even have them. And if I could I still wouldnt. I dont need the responsibility and cant have that responsibility and I will never put myself in that position. I have far too many problems of my own to worry about somebody else and being in charge of them would never ever work for me. Also the disease I have is hereditary...I refuse to take the risk of having a child and passing the genes on to them. It just wont happen. I wont allow it. I am far too sick to even dream of having a child right now and I dont know where I will be at with all of this even years from now. It might not be fair for me to make this decision at this time but I am determined too. I really dont want kids. I cant handle it. I wont ever be able to handle it. And I can always use somebodies elses kids to give me that attachment if I need it. Best part about that is...they go home at the end of the night. I can play with them all day and to the end of time but fact is...they still go home. Whenever I want them too...they get picked up and taken where they reside. lol. Which is not with me. Thats the imporatant part. I dont want that obligation and I dont need it. So basically...Im going to be childless my entire life. I can see the future being lonely and sad at times...but I can also see it being everything I ever dreamed about at the same time....


God Bless the children around the world with no families and no guidance in their lives...they have the potential to do great things someone just has to give them a chance. I wish I could be that someone...I dont ever think thats possible but you never truly know. I wont ever HAVE my own children but I may one day decide to save one ;] we'll see.....